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It is undoubtedly hard to find your group of soul sisters. You know, the women who you instantly feel connected to, has you laughing non-stop and who you feel completely supported, or inspired by. But add the military spouse title to the mix, and you have the impossible task of repeatedly searching for your lady tribe at every new duty station.
As a military spouse of over 11 years- moving to 4 different states, I fully understand the hardship in finding friends. Where do you even begin your search?
You may also find yourself fully embracing a new girl group only to have to PCS in a few months. It can be devastating, to say the least!
However, let’s instill a sprinkle of hope to this situation. The following are a few things to keep in mind as you go on the hunt for your new best friends at your new duty station. Below I’ve listed what you should avoid as you arrive to a new city/state.
What You Should Avoid
- Remove the notion that having to find new friends is a bad thing
- Set aside past experiences with military affiliated wives’ groups
- Avoid adopting stereotypes of military spouses
- Don’t limit your friend group to those affiliated with the military
- Toss aside the idea that a military spouse is a female by default (male spouses need a supportive tribe too!)
- Don’t force, or rush it
- Don’t seclude yourself and believe that your experience is completely unique from other military spouses
Now to Elaborate
I have often been asked by my non-military friends how I could move so frequently and keep having to start anew. I find myself responding the same way time and time again. I sincerely LOVE making new friends. I personally get a thrill from being able to reinvent yourself a little each time we move. Did your last girl gang leave you in a funk? Well, you’ve just been presented an opportunity to change up your surroundings and make new friends.
Learn from your past experience and grow with your new group of gal pals.
Now, where to begin? Here are some ideas.
- Family readiness groups
- Fitness groups
- Your children’s schools
- Coffee clubs
- Book clubs
- ALL of the clubs
- Other spouses in your husband’s unit
- Work/college campus
- FB pages (local military spouses’ groups, neighborhood pages, etc.)
Remember to leave the stereotypes behind. There is no ‘typical’ military wife. Not all wives are stay at home moms, and even if they are at this duty station it doesn’t mean that they aren’t well accomplished or educated. Additionally, women that decide to work or pursuit their career aren’t doing so while neglecting their family.
Let’s be kind and recall how the military lifestyle places families in odd situations that everyone tries to adapt to.
Military spouses come with diverse backgrounds and experiences. Don’t let yourself feel like your frustration and struggles are unique to you, and you alone. I bet you find someone who you have shared experiences with. Whether this is your first duty station away from family/friends, you are a seasoned spouse, balancing a career, a stay-at-home mom, etc. Others share your difficulties and experiences.
Lastly, there’s no need to rush finding your new group of friends. Get settled into your new surroundings. Find your favorite places to visit, focus on getting established at work. Who knows, maybe you meet your next best friend there!